walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
