I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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