Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She's JV to your varsity
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
