You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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