Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
