How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Randomize
