Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
