Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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