My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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