You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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