True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
