im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
