the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
