I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
