I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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