Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
