literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
