I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
