Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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