So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
