i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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