I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
