If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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