I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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