what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
