Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
