i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
