would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
