From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
