and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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