You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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