I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
