So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he shaved USA in his pubs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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