Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
