I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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