Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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