ya dads aren't the best wingmen
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
