We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
