I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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