if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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