Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize