News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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