if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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