he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's just like the Real World with babies
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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