You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
