i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
