So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
