So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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