worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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