And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
