If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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