Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
