How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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