Cold hands, warm shart.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
too bad you live with your parents still
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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