Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
