it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you will always have a special place in my vag
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
