Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
