Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
