For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
