I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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