You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
