sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
