Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
