Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
