Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
