you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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